Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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