Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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