Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
