You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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