i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
