then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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