Soap is not a condiment
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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