All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
