apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
