just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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