i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
