i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
