Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
