Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
