those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
