Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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