I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
