I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
