hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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