i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
