Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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