you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
