Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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