So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
