i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We talked him into tasing himself.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
