so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
