why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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