found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
