Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize