How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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