I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
