Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
