I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize