mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
