Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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