too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
