On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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