he wants to bone in the snuggie
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
BRING THE BAGELS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
