areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
