We're facebook friends in real life
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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