i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We need to rekindle our bromance
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sober January is a disaster.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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