question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
