Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
