when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
