my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
