I just threw up on my dentist
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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