just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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