I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
