Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize