oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
