happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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