If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
