not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
