shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
