Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
