I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
