Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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