well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
