That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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