I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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