Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
