this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
