i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize