there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
