Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize