her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
